Cabbage Overflow

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I made the infinitely intelligent decision to harvest the ginormous cabbage from our garden right before it started to rain. This resulted in a fairly comic tableau of me running into the house, starting to become covered in mud, holding onto the giant stem, raising what must have been like a ten pound cabbage over my head like some sort of crazy umbrella.  (Seriously, look at that thing!  It’s the same height as a decorative beer stein.  It’s the size of a bowling ball!)

That totally seems like something that would happen in a children’s picture book — all of the characters running around with different vaguely-umbrella-shaped objects over their heads during a rainstorm…cabbages, large birds, side tables…I’ll stop now.  I’ve been spending too much time in children’s book land.

Now, what does one do with so much cabbage? After washing it out and discovering what seemed to be an inordinate amount of tiny slugs, of course.

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Make an insane amount of coleslaw! Is coleslaw one word or two? Let’s stick with one, just to be consistent.

Coleslaw That People Who Don’t Even Like Cabbage Will Eat
adapted from 200 Super Salads, Coleslaw

1 head of green cabbage
1/2 head of purple cabbage
4 carrots
1 red onion

1 1/2 cups of mayonnaise
2 tbsp. white vinegar
2 tsp. sugar
pinch of cayenne pepper
squirt of spicy brown mustard
salt and pepper, to taste

Finely shred the cabbages, carrots, and red onion in your food processor. Do it better than I did. Try to make less of a mess, if possible.

Make the dressing by beating all dressing ingredients together in a separate bowl and seasoning to taste. Toss the cabbage mixture with the dressing and let stand for at least 30 minutes before serving so that the flavors can do a little mingling. And before you ask, the name totally rings true. Dan is not a cabbage fan, and he had himself a big helping and is even suggesting more of it for dinner tonight. We may have a cabbage convert.

Now, what to do with the outer leaves? In the past, I’ve made more traditional cabbage rolls to mixed reviews. I wanted to try to make something a little more crunchy and summery to bring for lunches at work.

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Lettuce wraps are a thing, right? In this house, we’re on the cabbage wrap train.

Curried Tuna Cabbage Wraps
adapted from Cooking for Two, Curried Tuna Stuffed Tomatoes

2 cans (5 oz.) tuna fish
2 celery stalks, chopped
6 tbsp. mayonnaise
4 tbsp. dried cranberries
3 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. chopped dried rosemary
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
tiny squirt of spicy brown mustard
4 cabbage leaves (break off the large vein at the base of the leaf to make them easier to roll)

Mix all the the tuna salad ingredients together well, seasoning to taste, if necessary. The original recipe then has you stuff this delicious stuff into some tomatoes, but spooning some into cabbage leaves, rolling them up, and shoving them into your mouth is also fantastic.

There we go, two ways to use up all that cabbage that I am probably the only person inundated with right now. I wish I had this problem with something slightly less good for me. Like I needed to hurry up and find several ways to use up a whole bunch of chocolate-covered strawberries and rare steak before it went bad. Hmm…our anniversary is coming up soon.  Hint, hint.

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